Life... and infinite amout of fail!

Fail... Seems like all I can say about life right now... I work at a wal-mart... YEA GO 401K. Relationship is going to shit. Girlfriend doesn't care... and at this point i cant say that i do either.... we fight then we laugh and fight some more... I don't what to do anymore...

I will say this, however, I messed up... and if the person who reads knows deep inside there heart then let me follow up that by saying... I am sorry. I am so very sorry. I have wasted your life.

All I ever want to do is be something good for myself and maybe someone else... I am going to be 24 in about 2 months and i want nothing more then my own place where i can be me and not be held back by someone who need everything done there way... I am trying to set up my own home server... can't do it. It wont look good. I love snakes... favorite animal in the world... can't get one... won't let me. I dont blame her on the snake thing i really don't but it's something to bitch about. and well i am on a rant right now listening to the weepies. ( www.myspace.com/theweepies ) i cant think of one time where i would have been happy like this... if this is life post military then why in the world did i get out? life sucks. Its only sucking more. I have made more bad decisions then good ones and i cant stop the track that i am on. I want to be somewhere else. I want to be happy. and even though i didnt know it i was happy where i was. I had lots of friends that care and would help me at the drop of a hat! why did i ever give that up?


To joel and shivon
I am miss ya buddies! i couldnt bring it apon my self to invade in your life. I know you were there for me and would have been there for me when ever i asked. I thank you guys for all your kindness and i wanna say thank you.

To Joe...
I have no idea whats going through my head when i do things and i belive i owe you an appologie for the way i was the day before i left and to you and joel and shivon and shanna. the only true friends i have.

To kristy,
I miss you kitten... i wish things could have been different but they are not. And i hope that some day i can be forgiven. I hope izzy is well and her and Enzo are getting along. I hope things work out for you... I need to be happy... for me you need to be... because if you can do it then i have a shot in the dark as well... You are my best friend and with you to bitch to sometimes. I would be dead inside.... however you give me the little spark that i need to keep going.

To Heather...
I dont know what to say to you... this sounds mean... I dont know why you are being like this to me.. I've done nothing wrong i think of nothing but you. and I feel as though it never gets sent back to me. you are happy when i am not around... you want me to do everything for you and nothing for me... how do you expect me to be happy... The only thing you have given me is my Friday night Magic and now i get shit for doing that. i am a very independent person. I need space just like you do. I dont know why or even how you think half of the things you do are fair or even helping us progress into our relationship. If you want to leave me then i will not stop you. i want to be happy... and so far you have done a sub par job and trying to make me happy. But when i try to make you happy its never good enough. So here i am saying it if this what you want in my this life then i WILL NOT be apart of it. I can not be appart of it. I have been here before and i will not go back. I have had this weight on my chest. I dont deserve it. I wont take it. I dont know what to do. and i completely confused. the balls on on you... and you know I will tell you what i want i have listend to you and you have listend to me. I just dont think you care about anything i say because you are to selfish to realize that you are ruining me.

So this is the personal rant that will happen from time to time. enjoi!